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Nov 05 2015

Dear Concerned Citizens of White County, Let’s Ban Everything ‘Islam’.

simpsons-mob

By Debbye Richards Bouldin
M4L Guest Contributor
November 5, 2015

To the concerned citizens of White County:

It is with the greatest respect and admiration that I applaud you for standing up to this tyrannical school board. It seems that they only seek to serve the vile purpose of the dark and evil system of belief that is Islam. Perhaps together we can free this county from the injustices that they have thrust upon us.

Although I believe this to be a just and worthy cause, I believe we are not going far enough to eliminate this radical threat to the strong, intelligent, and hospitable culture that we know and love about White County in general, and Sparta specifically. Therefore, I humbly offer the following suggestions to be added to the list of demands being presented to the city council.

1. Algebra, which was created by a Muslim scholar, is the numerical equivalent of witchcraft. As we all know, only numbers should be used in mathematics, just as God intended. Using letters in math is not natural, and it is clearly an example of the Islamic agenda being forced upon our young people. 1 + 1 = 2, just as one man and one woman equals one marriage, although in that example, we aren’t technically adding the one plus one because that would give us two, and a marriage is when the two flesh become one, which is more like division than addition, but you get the idea. However, when you start using letters in mathematics, you start getting variables which can be anything, such as 1 + X = ?. Since we already stated that the first 1 is a man, is X a woman? Is X another man? Could it be a goat? Who knows? But using algebra, Islam clearly states that it’s ok to marry whoever or whatever you choose. Therefore, Algebra should also be banned from our teachings in the school system. And while we’re at it, let’s ban math completely just to be safe. You never know if Islam is secretly lurking in your cell phone bill, just waiting for you to start totaling up how many minutes you used before you call Verizon to complain that your phone bill is incorrect. Then next thing you know, you’re a Muslim.

2. Music (musical notation), was also an invention of the Islamic society and should be banned from schools immediately. If you haven’t seen what this hidden demon is doing to your children, just take a minute and watch them while they have their earbuds in. It’s like Allah himself is whispering in their ears, “Come to me and toss your cares aside for a moment. Let’s dance the night away, and then maybe blow up a building or something.” For far too long, we have let this invader have a direct line into our children’s brains, and it needs to stop immediately. If we take away their music, we no longer have to worry about them being exposed to all the suggestive lyrics of gangster rap, hard rock, and Luke Bryan. I believe this would be a great step toward eradicating the Islamic insurrection.

3. Did you know that Muslims invented surgery? No? Neither did I. And although surgery is probably going to save the life of you or someone you know in the future, it is obviously the work of the devil we should put a stop to it immediately. For far too long we have let surgeons take our lives into their own hands (i.e. Allah’s hands) and have his way with our bodies. We should stand up for the Temple that God gave us and say, “No more!” No more to letting the great pretender remove that cancer! No more to letting the secret Satan insert those breast implants! No more to letting the false prophet insert the microchip into our brain that’s going to allow Obama (who we all know is a Muslim) track us so he can take our guns and enact martial law and begin the New World Order. I think we can all agree that we’d rather die than let some doctor get their Islamic Indoctrinating hands on us while trying to save our life.

4. Coffee was also brought to us by Muslims, so sorry Starbucks, you’re out. I don’t think it’s any surprise that Jesus could turn water into wine, but Muslims could only turn it into an evil black voodoo elixir that not only tastes divine, but also keeps you awake and alert. Only a demonic sorcerer could create such a tonic, and we shouldn’t let one more drop of this evil substance infiltrate our body, which is just one more avenue for Islam to infiltrate our soul. I suppose decaf could still be an option, but really, what’s the point?

5. Toothbrushes were an invention of Muslims, so they should be banned immediately also. While this could be a problem for a large portion of our county, some of our citizens are way ahead of the curve on this one. Good for you, fine people. May God be with you, and anyone who stands in close proximity to you.

6. Not necessarily Muslim related, but there are no mentions of dinosaurs in the Bible, so they should be removed from the science curriculum at once. We don’t want our children to grow up believing in something that obviously never existed. If you want to believe in the fantasy of dinosaurs, maybe you should form some kind of group and get together once or twice a week and talk about them there. The rest of us live in reality. Join us.

7. The idea of a university education was the invention of a Muslim scholar and needs to be banned without delay. This isn’t really a problem, because once we ban history, math, and science, there won’t be any point of applying for college anyway, so this problem pretty much takes care of itself.

My friends, this battle has been a long time coming and is now at our doorstep. The time to act is now, and we must stand and fight the good fight. It’s as if we have 100 attackers coming at us from the east with knives, and 20,000 coming from the west with guns. Then there are another 7,000 coming from the north on horseback with jousting poles, and finally, 500 coming from the south with lightsabers. I’m not sure how many that is in total because that’s math, and if we do math then the terrorists have already won. I also don’t know exactly when they will be here because, well, that’s just more math. But you understand my point.

There will be those who stand up to you and say, “We’re simply teaching the state mandated curriculum through a locally approved and adopted textbook that was properly vetted by an evaluator, followed by an open comment period for the local community.” To that I say, don’t let them fool you with their big words and fancy college degrees. You know in your heart that the people who have grown up in Sparta beside you, lived here all their lives, who you’ve been friends with for years, who went to many years of school to become teachers and school board members, and returned to this community to educate your children, all did so with the secret intention of indoctrinating our kids into the Islamic faith in order to turn them into little terrorists. Well, we’re onto you now teachers and school board members, and we won’t stop harassing you about it until we get the curriculum changed, or until we figure out it really wasn’t the big deal we thought it was and kinda lose interest in it, or until our lawyer figures out that it isn’t going to get him any more free publicity and actually starts charging us money to show up and do lawyer stuff. But until one of those three things happen, we won’t stop. We are a force to be reckoned with and we won’t be denied our 15 minutes of fame on Fox News (Call me if you want an exclusive, Sean Hannity). Hopefully this whole thing doesn’t take too long though, because this “no more coffee” thing is going to make it a lot harder. Strength and honor!-

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